Knowledgeable

REFLECTION​

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LDRS 802 Organizational Systems, Change, and Leadership was the first college course I had taken in twenty years. I recall the nervousness with which I submitted those first assignments. I can still feel the anxiety of waiting for the grade book to be updated, hoping that I was performing at the desired level. Reading my final exam submission for that course transports me back to those places. It is an excellent artifact of my journey through that first course, and although my confidence grew as I progressed in the program, it is a roadmap that charts my journey the rest of the way. Even though I was working through no small amount of imposter syndrome in those early weeks, encountering a new vocabulary of terms and theories that were foreign to me, I ultimately discovered that leadership theory was simply describing what I had already experienced in my professional career. I wrote these words in the Final Exam: “I have been given language to describe what I am seeing, foundational concepts to build upon, and models to guide [the future].” The same could be said for the knowledge I have gained in every course of the program.

 

The knowledge I have gained on leadership and organizations continues to shape how I see the world around me. It has given me clearer eyes and attuned ears to understand people, the way we relate to one another, and how we can find ways to move forward together. One example from LDRS 802 is still prominent in my mind. Burke (2011) discusses “espoused theory” versus “theory in action”, and how managers advocate for collaborative and participatory leadership (Theory Y) and yet exhibit more directive leadership behaviors (Theory X) (p. 195). The understanding of espoused theory continues to challenge me as a leader to be consistent with my stated values of collaboration, even when being participatory isn’t the most efficient way. 

 

Knowledge that remains in the libraries of our minds is useful only to inflate our own egos, but knowledge applied, especially on behalf of others, can change the world.

 

The Chapter Prospectus in LDRS 807 taught me the value of persistently seeking knowledge. At the beginning of the assignment, groups were given a leadership topic and instructed to develop content for a textbook chapter on that subject. I remember thinking, “Wait, I don’t know anything about this topic and I’m supposed to develop a chapter on the issue like some type of expert?” The early group meetings revealed that I was not alone and not the only one experiencing imposter syndrome this time. But soon after, we went about the work, breaking down the task list and designing a plan together. Each one of us pursued our portion of the chapter — researching sources, analyzing information, and making decisions about what needed to be included. It wasn’t long before we had formed a cohesive outline, which you can see in the Prospectus.

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Ronald Heifetz says (2003) says that “leadership takes place in the context of problems and challenges” (p. 70). He says that adaptive work is key to leadership. In other words, when groups face challenges that force them to change their normal way of operating, demand new learning, or challenge them to define what is essential, it mobilizes leadership to occur. My group effectively practiced adaptive leadership when faced with a challenge, and the experience was a stark reminder that the acquisition of knowledge is not a passive pursuit; it must be pursued with passion. When you are young, you go to school because you are told and information is thrown at you, but as adults we must be persistent and seek knowledge that will help us accomplish our desires. Napoleon Hill (2008) said it well, “The way of success is the way of continuous pursuit of knowledge” (p. 72). The Chapter Prospectus is just one assignment of many that reinvigorated my desire to be a lifelong learner.

 

The last artifact is the final presentation of the Leadership Development Intervention Project (L-DIP) from LDRS 811 Organizational Intervention Strategies. This was one of my favorite assignments in the whole program. When I entered the MPS in Organizational Leadership program, I was part of a dysfunctional organizational environment, so my first steps in the program included many “a-ha” moments as I discovered explanations for why my organization was struggling. By the time I reached LDRS 811, I had changed careers and was in a much healthier environment, and I was able to evaluate my new organization. The contrast to my previous experience was stark. My company still had needs regarding leadership development (all organizations do, after all), but I found a welcome audience to address potential issues.

 

The L-DIP made me focus not just on the application of knowledge, but the effective transmission of that knowledge to others. The assignment allowed me to identify effective learning goals — knowledge, attitudes, and skills that I wanted employees of my organization to acquire to increase our leadership development. The video presentation is just one medium that allowed me to communicate those goals and present a pathway to accomplish them. One of my favorite quotes (I admit that I use this too often, but I love it so much I will throw caution to the wind and use it here) is from Brené Brown (2018): “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind” (p. 48). That truth applies in many situations but is keenly appropriate here. To make knowledge useful, it must be transmitted effectively. 

 

These truths about knowledge have been especially useful in my recent professional experience. Last year I transitioned to a new position in my organization, a role that did not previously exist. Like in any transition, I quickly discovered that there were many things I needed to learn, but I could not just find an example from my predecessor or ask a colleague who had been in the same role. Once again, imposter syndrome was rearing its ugly head. I don’t know how often I had to tell a teammate, “You know what? I honestly don’t know the answer to that at the moment, but I will find out.” It was too many to count (or it was so often that I didn’t want to). I spent large amounts of time researching issues and requesting the help of other professionals who would point me in the direction of resources. It’s so tempting to act like we have it all together, that we are fully prepared at all times to answer any question. This new position has reminded me of the importance of intellectual humility, being vulnerable enough to ask good questions and the consistent pursuit of better knowledge. I can confidently say that I have so much more knowledge about my role than when I began and I am exponentially more effective than I was at the beginning.

 

Yet I think this is still where I have more growth to pursue. I want to become more comfortable saying, “I don’t know” because that is the first step in gaining the knowledge that is needed. My personal vision statement (which can be found here) expresses my desire to be a lifelong learner. I recognize that I don’t always express the necessary intellectual humility to accomplish that goal because I want to pretend to be more knowledgeable than I am. There is a card that hangs by my desk, a simple orange notecard on which I have written the word “STUDENT” in bold letters. It hangs there not because I am a college student, but because it is the stance I challenge myself to take for the rest of my life — that of a student who is always seeking more knowledge because it is the key to success. If I may quote Napoleon Hill (2008) once again, he expresses the attitude that I want to avoid. “The person who stops studying merely because he has finished school is forever hopelessly doomed to mediocrity, no matter what may be his calling” (p. 72). As I end my school experience, I commit to never stop studying.